By Lakhram Bhagirat
Knowing that you are different from everyone else can be one of the most intimidatingly beautiful things to happen to someone. However, being different can also lead to isolation and feelings of dejection.
So when Chandradatt Jagdeo realised that he was different from most of the males around him, he began a process of self-isolation. He never interacted with anyone beyond what was necessary. He kept himself glued to the television set watching shows about embracing the diversity.
It would be safe to say that at age 8, he had very little idea of how different he was but what he knew was that he was definitely different. Now, ten years later he has realised what his difference was and has now embraced it.
At the age of just 14, Chandradatt took a bold step. It was a step that even grown men today cannot fathom taking. He logged on to Facebook and announced to the world just exactly what him different was. It was a bold step taking into consideration that he had told the world that he is gay.
But for the first time, Chandradatt felt like himself. He felt like the weight of the world had just fallen off his shoulder. Being out to the public meant that Chandradatt can, for the first time, be his authentic self and live his truth.
However, living that truth came with a price that he was not prepared to pay.
Chandradatt comes from a very reserved village in the East Berbice-Corentyne region. So when he publicly announced that he was gay, there were expected and unexpected lash back from the community and those around him.
“Growing up in Adelphi Village was good. I was always a quiet child and kept to myself. When I came out there were people in the village who would tease me. To this day when I would walk they would call me names like ‘fish’ and the ‘b-word’ but I does just ignore them. But my family is there for me and people who are friends with the family does respect me,” he said.
Going back to his decision to come out of the proverbial closet, Chandradatt remembers the feeling of being dejected. While still in school, he began his first homosexual relationship and being a novice at it meant that he was taken advantage of.
“It was December 8, 2016, when I started to talk to this boy and we would talk every day. I was just in From Three at that time. So we planned to meet up two days before Valentine’s Day and I skipped lessons and went to meet with him. We hung out and so on but on Valentine’s Day he dumped me because I was not good looking enough for him.
“It was my first relationship and I was feeling so heartbroken because I really liked this guy to the point where I was loving him. I came home and I cried and so on. My mother found out and she thought that it was just a phase and never took it seriously but she was angry because the phone bill was like $20, 000,” he remembered.
It was that incident, the first taste of heartbreak, which left the young man searching for some semblance of himself. It led him to social media. Like many millenniums, Chandradatt likes vicariously on social media and he always knew that it would be inevitable to hide his true self.
However, he never thought that revealing his true self would be as a result of being heartbroken. When he came out on Facebook, Chandradatt said he was lost.
“When I was about in Grade 2-3 when I realised that I was gay or different at that time. Over the years I came to realise that I was also the black sheep when it came to school as well. In class, I would be teased a lot and whenever they had like guys playing cricket I would be drawing and making stuff. I was mostly artistic and from there on I carried the same traits in high school.
“When I came out on social media I felt free. I felt light but I was not ready for what the next day held. Throughout my school life I was bullied but the very next day I was not prepared for. The next day the entire school was in a ruckus and everybody found out and then that same day I was taunted and bullied. I cried in class so much. Some of the teachers there spoke to me and it helped eased the pain but at the same time I had no one I could relate to and there was no one to comfort me. The male students they bullied me. I was punched, I was pushed into the wall, and I was bullied for my money. When I came out it was like I was free but it was like hell in school…,” he remembers.
At that time he was a student at the New Amsterdam Multilateral Schools and the teachers there were supportive but not the same could not have been said for the male students. Moving forward, Chandradatt said that the bullying continued throughout the remaining of his high school years and there were times he felt like giving up.
“There were many days where I felt like giving up and wanted to end it all. But I am a big fan of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) and my favourite wrestler is Sasha Banks and she taught me how to fight and never give up. So when I felt like giving up I would come home and cry my eyes out and be reminded of the struggles of the wrestlers I admire and where they are now today. I would be inspired and I pick myself up and move on.”
Chandradatt is currently at the University of Guyana’s Berbice Campus reading for his Bachelors in Biology before he enters into the field of medicine. He aims to become a doctor and make a difference in the lives of everyone he encounters.
For Chandradatt, the struggle is nowhere near the end. On social media, he is an aggressive advocate for people to be treated equally despite gender identity or sexual orientation. At the moment, he is focusing on making a difference one person at a time.
